Every single year, I think that New Year’s Eve will be the best night ever. I always think of it as a great excuse to wipe the slate clean, get all dolled up, and go out with my nearest and dearest.

Last year, as midnight steadily approached, I walked away from my coupled-up crowd of friends and sat next to the bouncer. I rested my head on the shiny red booth and watched the big screen as Ryan Seacrest excitedly announced it was 2016.

No kiss, cute dress, spilled drinks, etc.

I then did a few laps to make it look like I was looking for somebody, biding my time until the lights finally came on. I wanted to get out of there, but with surge pricing, Ubers were hundreds of dollars.

It took me 2 hours to find a ride home. Well, it took me 2 hours to steal someone else’s cab in front of the Hard Rock Cafe.

As my best friend and I trudged through Boston’s cobblestones in our heels, I came to the conclusion that this was all my fault. After all, what was I expecting? New Years Eve is never what I think it is going to be. In fact, I think I have started off the past 3 years claiming that next year will be different.

The thing is, is that I will probably get all dressed up this year and do it all again. Why? Because I can’t help but be optimistic.

I am not the type of person who is optimistic to the point where they don’t let anyone else ever be sad. That’s not me. I’m just optimistic to the point where I probably trust people I shouldn’t, get my hopes up for things that definitely won’t happen, and believe people when they say they’re telling the truth.

I like to think that even though the past few years have been complete and utter shit shows, this could be the best New Year’s Eve ever! I like to think that even though there are about 17 red flags, maybe he’s different! I like to think that when I pull through the drive thru at McDonald’s, the ice cream machine won’t be broken!

Keeping the glass half full keeps me sane. Optimism is what gets me through the day.

I honestly can’t think of the last time something I was optimistic about actually panned out, but the idea of it has always been good enough for me. I like ideas. They’re not real, but they could be. And if they end up not being real, oh well. It was just an idea.

It is possible that I should be more cautious with what I choose to be optimistic about. I have been wronged enough times by enough people to know what it feels like to be cynical, but that is simply not a good look on me. I can’t even count the amount of times I have been so blissful in my hopes that I was completely blinded by the ugly truth.

And it really sucks to be disillusioned.

One of my biggest pet peeves is when others take advantage of this mentality, however. A lot of people mistake my optimism and my kindness for weakness. Long story short: people think I’m a pushover.

People ask me for favors because they know I will say yes. And I will say yes, because I would hope they would do me a favor if I ever needed them. Kind of like a favor ATM, you know? Except that doesn’t happen. That person just goes and tells another person that I’m too nice to say no, and the cycle continues.

Guys do this to me all the time. I’m too busy trying to come off as a laid back girl that any shred of romance goes down the drain. I try not to act like a girl who would care too much if you take three days to answer my text, but I care. I’ll just try really hard not to say it and hope you won’t do it again.

I am trying to work on that, though. I am trying to stand up for myself more and get away from being the pushover people think I am. All I need to do is figure out a way to be hopeful without coming off as naïve.

My first step began last Saturday, when I proudly screened a 1 am “you up?” text in favor of Law & Order: SVU. (If you can’t text me at a decent hour then I will be spending my nights with Detective Elliot Stabler from now on, thank you very much.)

The next step after that is to be realistic.

I will be honest, 2016 has not exactly been the year of the optimist. I definitely have to get real about the fact that my job search is not going to be a cakewalk, our next president is a reality TV star, and there is no Prince Charming to save me from it all.

Well, at least Leo got his Oscar. That does make me feel a little better.

2017 will be the year I learn to look on the bright side without having my head in the clouds. Maybe New Year’s Eve really will be the best night ever, even if it is spent on the couch with Chinese food and my two puppies.

And maybe, just maybe, it will be the year I finally get that McFlurry.